Ok, well, I guess it makes sense that my first post be today...kind of appropriate. 

Today my husband left.  Not really by his own choice, more like I put on a steel toed boot and kicked his ass really hard out the fucking door.  Things have been going rather badly for quite a while now.  Shitty is more like it actually.  Ever since our son died in March, our relationship has slowly started to go further and further in the deep recesses of HELL.  Actually...ask any of my friends, our relationship could have been considered FUCKED from the beginning...sorry I just have no respect for anyone who has to lie to someone to get them to leave a perfectly salvageable relationship to be with him.  NO THANK YOU SIR. 

So, he's gone for a week and actually, I seem to be handling it quite well..partially thanks to some emotional support from several friends.  Lenny keeps me focused and sane, but at the same time, he kind of helps me make my decision, without him even knowing it.  The only complaint I could ever have about him is he is a bit TOO mushy sometimes...but when it's just us, that's more than alright...it's sweet and shows his softer side. 

*sigh* Why did I ever leave him?  Why was I so stupid and naive?  Now, well, we're a little bit older and hopefully more adjusted and mature.  I know he's changed some, and I know I have changed drastically.  Maybe we can work...maybe.  I don't want to fuck this up again...I can't lose him again.  I had my major life fuck-up for this century...now it's time to stop fucking around, start my life and grow up..Hello adulthood, goodbye futile attempts at it.


I'm in love...always have been...but have been trying to ignore it and live a lie...an almost convincing lie...but still ignoring how I really feel.


Maybe now I'll be happy...if I can't be happy with Lenny...then I'm not meant to be happy...but I know I'm meant to be with him.



Here's to you Lenny, my sweetheart,  my smoochy, my mushy, and my heart.


<3 Casey